I miss my kids. I love my job, but I miss my kids. No point in whitewashing it. I wonder most of the day, what they are doing and how much fun they are having at the park, colouring on the carpet or running around on the deck pointing at birds and planes and other new and varied things. I wonder how many times one brother pokes the other and who is getting the short end of the stick. There’s no point wondering whose hair is getting pulled…
But I know I can’t and I know I won’t change it. I will not go back to being a stay at home mom and there are lots of good reasons why. The biggest reason is that by me continuing to work and move along in my career, I am staying in the loop of employment. This way I don’t have to try some miraculous re-entry in my 50’s and potentially burn up in the outer stratosphere while trying. It was hard enough envisioning never working again while I was off being pregnant and having twins. I got scared. Now is just not the time to not have a job to fall back on.
I just hope my kids are OK because of it. They seem fine, but who really knows?! Our Nanny is awesome and the boys are having fun with her, I know it. They are peaceful and happy, well fed and don’t seem to be acting out in any unusual way. The only differences I see when I get home are pants that are too short and more words in the verbal repertoire. I was brought ‘shoes’ yesterday because they wanted to go out on the deck! These are nothing short of miracles to me when I am not with them every waking minute of the day. Mr. A has a fixation with doors and needs to repeat the word three times with three emphatic hand pats for effect 'dor, dor, dor'. And we can now add 'bubbles, shirt and cool' to the list!
So here I am taking part in a bigger picture. I’m doing my part to shape the future (hopefully for the better) for the region I work for and although I’ll agree that local government is no glamour show (I’ve had flashier jobs for sure), I don’t take the stress home with me and I can sleep at night knowing what I am doing is not completely insignificant.
Maybe the boys will appreciate the fact that I had a hand in how and why things are the way they are around us one day.